I love being a foster mom and I love my little boy!! There are some definate ups and downs as I know it is for all families. But I have fallen into the routine of family life and love it. I feel like I have gained everything and lost nothing. Not as much time to blog, but he is free for adoption and that is our next step. Looking forward to my next child!

This week will be our first visit from friends out of state. They don’t have kids, but they love kids. And I am still a bit nervouse. It isn’t the same, and my little guy definately has some behaviour issues. I hope it is a fun week still.

This weekend was such a challenge. He has begun calling names when he is angry. Right now it is Fatty. All my training says ignore it and not react to it. But when he is shouting it in the grocery store, I want to hold up a sign that says, he doesn’t mean it. He is just going through emotional struggles. Sometimes I can’t ignore it and I send him to time out saying we need to talk nice to each other. On good days I ignore it or if it is a calm moment I change the conversation and distract him. He must have called me fatty at least 50 plus times today alone. Today was the day I was able to ignore it. When it is just me I ignore it, when I am with others, I find myself feeling the pressure of disciplining him. Mostly from embarassment. Today he was really angry as he yelled it out. I could hear it in his voice. Meal times are quite a challenge too. I think he is mostly tired. But also angry and confused. Several times today he ran up and hugged me on his own. Then other times he would swing at me and yell. It takes several times to get him to do what I ask.
Money is seriously tight as well. I wanted to take a week off when he came to my home so I could focus on just him and me and organizing the house. But because I had used my vacation time when he stayed with me for a week, I had none left and he had to jump right into school. In one day he got a new mom, a new home, a new bed, 3 shots, and a new school. Different foods then he is used to, and hardly any sleep. He has to be in school ten hours a day. Friday I got off early and was able to pick him up early. We went to grandparents house, but after an hour of playing there he was over stimulated and at his breaking point. My mom was so nervous and stressed and I could feel it added with my own nervousness and stress. I feel defensive for him because I want everyone to just love him and not judge him. But without the experiences that I have had, it is hard for them to understand his behaviour. I really needed church this morning but I just couldn’t get him out the door and dressed. Then when I did he found the mud and we had to start all over again. I hate admitting my defeat today, but that is how it felt. I pride myself on being able to get kids together and out the door on time. But today i was just too overwhelmed. I feel I finally made progress on my home and organizing it to be more efficient for us so I can focus more on him and playing then on cleaning. It is not going to be easy doing this on my own, but I really believe I can do it. I just need to find a rhythm that works for us. And I need to quite worrying what everyone else is thinking. At first every one kept saying he is such a good little boy. You are so lucky. But I knew we were on honeymoon and it wouldn’t last. I also know this phase won’t last either and I just need to be strong while we get through it. Now if I can just believe what I know to be true.

It seems like any time I watch the news lately I can’t help but stop and wonder if we are in the end times described in the Bible. I know there are plenty of people who feel we are already on the fourth or sixth seal and what not. I don’t believe that. But I do wonder if we are close to the beginning of end times? Or am I just feeling like the Thessalonians? Didn’t they feel like they must be in the end times because of persecution or hard times they were having? I used to just brush off the feeling from others that the tribulation was near. Because others have felt that way all the way back to the days of the Thessalonians. But lately I wonder.

I know it’s been a while, but I wanted something fun to write about. And I think I have it.

I signed my nephew up for ski lessons starting the end of February. He will get five lessons. After signing the form I started getting nervous. Very nervous about the ski lift! Also about how many kids there are and hoping that he won’t get lost.

As a preschool teacher and Nanny, I am surprised at how much anxiety comes with dropping off my nephew into someone elses care. I know the drill, and I know kids do fine once the parents leave. And I think Seany will do fine no matter what because I think he really is ready for preschool. We just can’t afford it.

I am the first to tell you that if your child cries when you drop them off at school, the best thing is to say goodbye once, give one kiss, one hug and go out the door, not looking back. Your child will calm down within a few minutes. I guarentee it. However, now the table is turned, and it is me dropping off and oh my goodness is it hard to let someone else care for your child!

As for the chair lift,
My family has a history with a fear of heights. My mom is really bad, my brother is almost as bad, and mine is minimal. Now I would have said mine is nonexistant, but that was before this past Saturday. We have no idea if this fear has been passed on to my nephew. Can it be passed on to my nephew or is it something he would learn from us? I was very curious. So I wrote on his ski card that he may have a fear of heights and even though we have not mentioned it to him, we want someone who is willing and able to deal with this fear if it occurs on the way up the mountain.

I took my nephew to Scheels Saturday after a party. My first time there. We were looking for goggles. We found them. But we also found the farris wheel! Seany asked if we could go on it, and being the cool aunt, I said, “Absolutely!”

We climb on, buckle up, and begin the climb up. We were the second couple on. That meant we had to stop every other seat to load more people on. This is a big farris wheel. I am curious how Seany will do. I say nothing. I point out the sights. He does great! I on the other hand am getting more and more nervouse as we load up.

It is the last three stops that does me in. Almost to the top, on top, and one past the top. I am white knuckling the bar in front of us, and the seat back behind us. I am barely moving. My heart is racing. I dont’ want Seany to notice. Seany rocks the seat a tiny bit. Calmly, “don’t rock the seat Sean, it’s not safe.”
“Why?”
And I catch the big print on the back of the chair in front of us. “DANGER! DON’T ROCK THE CHAIRS!” So I just point out the sign that says we can’t do it. He accepted that as truth and that was the end. Praise God.

Once we started going on a smooth rotation around and around, I was fine. my fingers relaxed, and circulation was allowed to flow through them once again. It is a nice ride. Sean loves it. He says his mommy doesn’t like it up here. I say some folks don’t like it, how about you? He says he loves seeing the whole world from up there. I agree. I just don’t want to stop and smell the roses along the way. I must keep moving.

The ride comes to an end and I have two stops before I can unclench my fingers again. halfway down, I was fine again and could relax. So now I know he is fine with heights. It is just me that still has a hard time with being high and going slow.

Give me a rollercoaster any day!! I love the speed, and don’t mind the drops. Although they are the scariest part for me. But I love, love, love coasters. I hope my nephew will like them too. He screams as he goes down a slide with his arms high in the air, so I think he is already training for them. And I hope he really loves skiing. I will let you all know and post pictures from the first day!

Pray he is safe the whole time, and we have great fair weather for skiing. No snowstorms on Fridays please. At least for five weeks!

As for the question posed in the title, I still am not sure. I have always believed it was something learned. Something that was passed on by the parents obvious fears. Children can sense when you are afraid, and since you are the adult and the protecter, if you are afraid, then it must be really scary. When Seany was really not much more then 6 months there were times that I thought for sure he displayed a fear of heights. Espcially on the swings. As a toddler when he first went on the swings, he did not want to go high. He was not secure. Now, he is four and he flies on the swings. He pushes it as high as he can get it to go. So if he was afraid, he has since outgrown it.

My God Father sent this to me. I really enjoyed it and think it is a cool idea. Check it out.
From the award-winning documentary, “Playing For Change: Peace Through Music”, comes the first of many “songs around the world” being released independently. Featured is a cover of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. This and other songs such as “One Love” will be released as digital downloads soon; followed by the film soundtrack and DVD early next year.

Sign up at www.playingforchange.com for updates and exclusive content available only to those who…

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Wow, what a journey and it hasn’t even started. I don’t want to discourage people from doing this. But you definately have to be patient and flexible. I accepted a little boy. I was so excited about him. I was told the beginning of November about him. It took 3 weeks just to meet him for the first time. The first two times the foster mom was a no show. And I haven’t seen him since. It really frustrated me to no end. I finally have a date to begin transition, but not until the end of January. That will be the next time I see him. About 2 months from the first time I met him. Seems to me like starting from scratch again. He won’t remember anything about me. He will determin how long the transition will take. And I am fine with moving at his pace. In the first meeting we had no worries about the biological parents wanting him back. So I thought of him as a child to adopt. As of my last meeting, the father has said he wants his son. So now he will only be coming to my home as a foster child. It could take up to two years for everything to fall into place for him to be adopted. Now i’m torn on what to be to him. Does he call me mommy, does my nephew consider him a cousin, And what will this do to his stability and security in life? This is part of being a flex family. I signed up for this, and so far I am ok with it. I saw a foster mom in the hall who was crying because she brought her little foster child to court with her and his biological parents saw him for the first time and decided they wanted him back. She has had this child since he was an infant and was there to see the parents rights terminated since they hadn’t seen or heard from them in well over a year. Things can change just like that. Now she won’t be able to adopt him and is devistated. Again, I still seem to be ok so far.
Probably because he hasn’t been in my care yet.

All we can do is rely on our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, and moral support from our loved ones.

Such a surprise! Check it out!

This is in my collection of children’s books. I love this book and have used it in all my teachings. I used it, after many years of owning it, in one of my sundayschool classes that I taught. The story all of a sudden became a clear picture of how Jesus loves us. He sacrificed everything for us by giving His life. But He is still there giving us even more. He listens to our needs, desires, and pleas for help. All He desires in our Christian walk is for us to be still and sit with Him. To just sit. Listen. Be still. Often we are so consumed by our own wants and lives that we tend to ask Him for help and then run off on our own courses again, often with just a quick “thanks”.

Have you ever wondered if we practice more and more of just sitting, listening, and being still before Him, how much less complicated would our lives be?

Shell Sylverstein never intended it to be a book about Jesus, it just became that illistration for me.

Just a quick update. I have been licensed, and I have been briefed on the contract. I sign the contract today. I am already allowed to be matched. And this is the scary part. This is a life time commitment. Not a passing phase. For some of you, your children are chosen for you. They are just born to you and you love them like crazy. I feel weird that I am picking the children. How do I make a wise decision?

There is one little girl that is ready for adoption. I can’t seem to get her top five needs. She is older then I origionally wanted, 8, but there is something about her that seems like a fit.

There are two other little girls. Sisters. Perfect in age, 3&4. Just what I wanted. But they have been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. This is something that affects them their entire life. I don’t know much about it, and that is why it is a bit uncertain for me. But God may make this decission because a relative is intersted in adopting them. And they get first choice.

How do I know which children to adopt? Part of me just wants them all. Part of me is scared to make the wrong choice. Biological parents don’t have to go through this do they?

Anyways, any prayers would be fabulous. My spelling is horrible this morning. Blah.

Today, I started a new part of my job.  The kids are now in school, so I have part time hours with the kids and to keep me full time they have found other work for me to do.  Praise God! One of the new jobs is the “family” laundry instead of just the “kids” laundry. 

I have had a bag of mismatched socks on the counter for about six months.  I can’t tell you how much I have been wanting to throw that bag out. However, as I was doing laundry today, I started to find the missing socks!  I can’t even begin to tell you how giddy I was each time I found a new match!  I cant believe how excited I got each time I was able to pull out a long time lonely sock and bring it back together with it’s mate! 

*smiling to myself…

I can’t wait to get caught up so I can find all the lost lonely socks.

I know, it’s silly.