Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

You Gotta Have Faith February 6, 2008

Filed under: my thoughts — smlwoman @ 8:12 am

19Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”

-Matthew 17:19,20

 I can’t tell you how many times I had faith.  Or I thought I had faith that something was true in my life.  Large faith.  Faith enough to stand firm against advice or doubters.  And in the end, I was wrong.  Very wrong.  I even had scripture to back it up. I still have these events written in a Journal.  Reasons why I truely believed this would happen in my life.  And now I look at them and think I was being foolish.  Or there is no way that God told me wrong, I must have misinterpretated.  This faith damaged me and what would have been good naturally. Everyone thought I was crazy, or just being stubborn. But it was strong faith.  Bigger then a mustard seed. 

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

Now, I find that I get anxious when I think something is from God.  I am afraid to have faith.  Because if it doesn’t work out the way I believed God was directing, I will have been fooled again. 

Phil 4:6,7 NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

I have said this verse over and over and over again.  Just like the ones above, but I just can’t bring myself to be convinced of things hoped for. 

Now I just wait and see.  And if it works out then I give God the credit.  And if it doesn’t then I just trust, or maybe hope, that God will bring something else. 

But I really hope that God is the one who is handling this prayer request and not my own strong desire.  It’s so hard to not be dissapointed.

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