19Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.”
I can’t tell you how many times I had faith. Or I thought I had faith that something was true in my life. Large faith. Faith enough to stand firm against advice or doubters. And in the end, I was wrong. Very wrong. I even had scripture to back it up. I still have these events written in a Journal. Reasons why I truely believed this would happen in my life. And now I look at them and think I was being foolish. Or there is no way that God told me wrong, I must have misinterpretated. This faith damaged me and what would have been good naturally. Everyone thought I was crazy, or just being stubborn. But it was strong faith. Bigger then a mustard seed.
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Now, I find that I get anxious when I think something is from God. I am afraid to have faith. Because if it doesn’t work out the way I believed God was directing, I will have been fooled again.
Phil 4:6,7 NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
I have said this verse over and over and over again. Just like the ones above, but I just can’t bring myself to be convinced of things hoped for.
Now I just wait and see. And if it works out then I give God the credit. And if it doesn’t then I just trust, or maybe hope, that God will bring something else.
But I really hope that God is the one who is handling this prayer request and not my own strong desire. It’s so hard to not be dissapointed.