Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

I Think I’ve Been Patient Long Enough February 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 7:57 pm


I said this recently to a friend.  He said it should be my tag line.  So it is at the moment.  I do feel this way at times. 

I definately felt this way when it came to finding a husband.  To the point to where I considered dating nonchristian guys.  Now I am just resigned to being single.  I just try not to dwell on it.  I am moving forward with my life instead of waiting around for God to bring a guy into my life.  Hense, fostering to adopt.  Adoption has been my dream since I was a kid.  I thought I had to have a husband to do this.  Someone said I was selfish to adopt without being married.  It wasn’t fair to the kids not to have a mom and a dad.  But right now they don’t have any parent, so why not just a mom?  I’ve been patient long enough.  20 years to be exact.  9 horrible dates in 20 years.  Can you immagine?  I don’t get it, I think I’m a good catch, but it doesn’t seem to be in God’s plans.  So I resigned.

I also felt this way recently with the car situation.  I told you all of a perfect car that I really thought might be God helping me out.  Just to recap: 2005 Honda CRV EX, 39,000 miles, 14,900 out the door, salesman attends my former home church. 

However, they had a hard time setting up a financial company.  Took about a week and a half.  Then they said it was approved but my payments were like 700 dollars a month.  Insane.  So they were trying other companies since they had access to over 200.  I vowed on Wed. that I would not call them at all on Thursday.  I would let them call me.  But they never did. Friday by noon, I called and got a message.  Left one but they didn’t return the phone call.  Called one more time around 4 and still a message and no return call.  So I say, ” I’ve been patient long enough.”

Perhaps this isn’t true, but it is how I felt.  I also felt it was poor business to not return the phone call or to call and update you on the progress.  I drove by and no one was in the office, but they still had the car. 

So Saturday Toyota calls me with a crv and I go down there and spend 6 + hours trying to get this car down to a payment I could afford. 

So here is what I am supposedly getting.  I didn’t drive the car home because they wanted me to sign a paper authorzing them to charge me $50 a day and .50 a mile if the deal does not go through and they have to take the car back.  I said they could keep the car on their lot until they are ready to give me the green dmv paper. 

They say, it’s only to protect us if you lied on your application.  I told them that the contract does not say that.  It is just simply if the deal does not go through with the banks like they think it will they can charge you and take the car back.  If it was only to protect them it should say “you agree to pay this if the deal does not go through due to your negligence or false info given to us by you.”  But they could basically call me in two weeks say they need the car back, no bank aproved the loan, and then I am stuck giving them a couple hundred dollars.  So they put a sold sign in it for now.  And I am waiting.  However, I get angry when I think of the situation. 

I found a good car at a good price and can’t seem to get the financing or the communication from the dealer.  Now I am with a 2004, with 56,300 miles on it, for basically $19,000 out the door. That’s with my car as a $3,000 trade.  My payments are much higher then I wanted and finances will be tight for a year. Why not wait longer and be more patient?

My brother needs his truck back by next weekend, and I will be without a car again if I don’t find one.  Or I have to pay up to a thousand dollars or so to fix my car.  It just doesn’t seem fair.  I like the other car a lot, I like this car a lot.  But I hate the price. And I can’t get them to come down on the price.  That is what I am finding at all franchised dealers. 

I don’t know if I have been patient enough, but it has been almost 3 weeks since I started with the other person on the origional car, and I just think it is poor business.  Even though it could be God telling me to “stop ceasing and know that I am God.”  But I just don’t feel like I have enough time to stop ceasing. 


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