Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

Fostering to Adopt: The Honeymoon’s over May 3, 2009

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,foster care in reno,my thoughts — smlwoman @ 10:41 pm

This weekend was such a challenge. He has begun calling names when he is angry. Right now it is Fatty. All my training says ignore it and not react to it. But when he is shouting it in the grocery store, I want to hold up a sign that says, he doesn’t mean it. He is just going through emotional struggles. Sometimes I can’t ignore it and I send him to time out saying we need to talk nice to each other. On good days I ignore it or if it is a calm moment I change the conversation and distract him. He must have called me fatty at least 50 plus times today alone. Today was the day I was able to ignore it. When it is just me I ignore it, when I am with others, I find myself feeling the pressure of disciplining him. Mostly from embarassment. Today he was really angry as he yelled it out. I could hear it in his voice. Meal times are quite a challenge too. I think he is mostly tired. But also angry and confused. Several times today he ran up and hugged me on his own. Then other times he would swing at me and yell. It takes several times to get him to do what I ask.
Money is seriously tight as well. I wanted to take a week off when he came to my home so I could focus on just him and me and organizing the house. But because I had used my vacation time when he stayed with me for a week, I had none left and he had to jump right into school. In one day he got a new mom, a new home, a new bed, 3 shots, and a new school. Different foods then he is used to, and hardly any sleep. He has to be in school ten hours a day. Friday I got off early and was able to pick him up early. We went to grandparents house, but after an hour of playing there he was over stimulated and at his breaking point. My mom was so nervous and stressed and I could feel it added with my own nervousness and stress. I feel defensive for him because I want everyone to just love him and not judge him. But without the experiences that I have had, it is hard for them to understand his behaviour. I really needed church this morning but I just couldn’t get him out the door and dressed. Then when I did he found the mud and we had to start all over again. I hate admitting my defeat today, but that is how it felt. I pride myself on being able to get kids together and out the door on time. But today i was just too overwhelmed. I feel I finally made progress on my home and organizing it to be more efficient for us so I can focus more on him and playing then on cleaning. It is not going to be easy doing this on my own, but I really believe I can do it. I just need to find a rhythm that works for us. And I need to quite worrying what everyone else is thinking. At first every one kept saying he is such a good little boy. You are so lucky. But I knew we were on honeymoon and it wouldn’t last. I also know this phase won’t last either and I just need to be strong while we get through it. Now if I can just believe what I know to be true.

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One Response to “Fostering to Adopt: The Honeymoon’s over”

  1. smlwoman Says:

    It’s funny, it has been two years since I wrote this. Or almost two years. There are still days when I want to pull my hair out. He definately has some behavior challenges. The biggest one right now is staying with me in the stores and not hiding under clothes or climbing on shelves etc. I remember this day that I wrote about two years ago. I am happy to say that after a solid day of ignoring him the name calling became less, and less. And now he never does it. It took about a week or so to get him to stop. But ignoring it was the best medicine for that behavior.


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