Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

God Had a Plan From the Beginning January 30, 2011

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,Life as a Mom,my thoughts,Time with God — smlwoman @ 10:28 pm

I was asked to write about some of my past on here. Suggested starting after highschool. Which is a decent place to start. But as I look back on my life, I realize that it really started some time before High school even began. I will jump through the years so don’t worry that you are about to read my entire life story in one post.

What makes me the person I am today? I think it is and has always been God. Even before I knew Him. When I was a little girl I would line up my stuffed animals and dolls and pretend they were my students. I would write out math homework, hand it to each doll, then do each page, then correct each page. I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. And I did become a teacher when I grew up.  A preschool teacher.

Something I thought was interesting, but what I remember even more, is that at that same age, I told my parents I wanted to adopt children. I wanted to have 10 children and I would adopt them all. We were living in an apartment in Reno at the time with my parents and my brother was only 2, So I was 10 at the time. And I am on my way to adopting children just like I wanted to 31 years ago. (more…)

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The Good Old Days January 23, 2011

Filed under: my thoughts — smlwoman @ 10:56 am

the farm my dad grew up on

I received a letter from my aunt recently. She is my dad’s oldest sister. She wrote about how christmas was back then, and she is right, it is something out of the history books for kids today, even for many adults, but it is still cool. What caught me is what she said at the end. So I thought I would share this part.

As I sit in my little home in sunny, warm, arizona, I think about christmas on the farm as I grew up. Those days are only stuff in history books to my grand children but the memories are sharp and clear to everyone in my age group. Christmas time was = of coming into the house on a cold day and the warm wood and coal heat felt so good on my cold face, fingers, and toes. Of the aroma of bread and christmas cookies baking, the smell of the live evergreen tree, complete with homemade decorations and glass balls, so carefully saved from year to year. The excitement of secretly making gifts for my parents and brothers and sisters. And , oh, that wonder of shopping in the stores of our little town! The hardware store and the grocery store had such a treasure of things to buy with my carefully saved pennies. If I was lucky enough to get a trip to the big city of Minot and then got to stay long enough to see the colored lights come on, it was magic. Most of the time, my family had to be home because there were chores to be done. All school and church programs started at 8pm because those chores had to be finished by the farm families first. I and everyone else were dressed in their best with parts to say or do in the programs. Then we each got a special treat of a sack of candy and nuts to take home!

Memories are great. Many say those were the ” good old days,” but I really like my electricy; hot and cold running water; bathrrooms and sewers; central heat; cars that start, with heaters and defrosters, roads that are cleared of snow; televisions; and phones that work. I am lucky to have lived to see all these marvels. Someday this will be the “good old days!”

How amazing it seems to me that all of these “marvels” are inventions that have all happened in my Aunt’s lifetime. I’ve been on the farm she talks about and can see her memories a little clearer. I’ve been to the small, “big city” of Minot and can picture the excitement! I love how she reminds us of all the things that we have to be thankful for. Things that many of us, including myself, complain about. The grass always does seem greener way back when and on the other side, but my aunt reminded me that the grass is pretty green right here, right now. Thank you God for all of the blessings I take for granted.

 

I was not expecting that… January 7, 2011

Wow, it has been a while since I have been on here. Taking care of four kids as a single mom will do that to a person.

Being a foster mom is just about what I thought it would be like. I paid attention in class. However, even though I paid attention and have heard of this happening, I was still caught off guard when it happened to me.

I have two girls who have been with me just since September 1, 2010. There have been many ups and downs. The four year old and I have had a lot of challenges that I have seen improve over the past few months. I always keep in mind whatever I know of past experiences for my foster kids, and that helps a lot. But challenges can wear anyone down. I absolutely love these two girls and wish they could stay with me, but I have known all along they were going to be reunited with family.

The family they will be reunited with are amazing and strong and trust in the Lord. I have a sense of peace for this transition that will be taking place soon. It is my job to begin preparing the girls for the move and so this is where my story actually begins.

On the drive home tonight it was pure chaos. My two four year olds were arguing like crazy all day. And I was just about out of patience, but a conversation came up between the two kids about getting to go to a family members to stay the night. I used this time as a way to bring up how exciting it will be for this little girl to soon get to live with her family member forever. And the little girl looked so shocked! Like I had just knocked the wind out of her, and she began to cry. ” I want to stay with you Jody.” I was taken aback by this response. She absolutely adores this family member and gets so excited every time she gets to go and stay the night. But at that moment the whole mood in the car changed. Because I was driving I told her we would talk about it more at home so I could actually hold her while I finished explaining it all to her. But she continued to cry softly and kept repeating, ” I really want to stay with you Jody.”

Why does this shock me? Because of how much she adores her family. Because of how often she tells me she hates me, even though I know it is just a coping tactict to deal with new boundries and rules, because she had been in such a mood all week that I thought for sure she would be excited. I never knew. She has always said she wanted to live with this family member. Her older sister has always expressed wanting to stay with me, and I see mood changes when we talk about it, but I never knew she, herself, wanted to stay.

When we got home I talked to her alone in her room. I held her and told her that I loved her so much, and that if it was my choice she would stay with me forever, but that her family missed her and really loved her a lot too and it was good for her to go back to live with them. That she would be safe and loved and cared for with her family. That her sister would be with her and her pets would be there too. She was trying to accept it, but was still crying and saying she wanted to stay with me. I finally ended with a big hug and told her, ” you have so many people that love you and all wish we could keep you, but only one of us can keep her, but that we would all stay in her life as best as we can.” She stopped crying and I told her again I loved her and we went out in the kitchen to make dinner. She was so perfectly behaved that I was fearful that she was hoping if she behaved I wouldn’t make her leave. Please pray for these two girls and their transition to their family’s home. Pray for both myself and this family member to know how to help them through the transition, and for God to give us the right words to say to comfort them. And finally for my own two children that started to get concerned that they would not get to stay with me forever and ever.

It was so hard to tell them that they would never have to leave me while not being able to tell that to the other two children. It just broke my heart. I was completely ready for this transition until tonight. Now I am left in wonder of all the things that transpired this evening.

I will say that I truley love being a foster mom and I NEVER thought I would feel that way. Who knew God’s calling for my life would be right here in my own back yard.