Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

Remembering Biological Parents Even When You Wish They Would Forget November 2, 2013

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Life as a Mom,my thoughts,Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 12:09 pm

arius bio letterSometimes I forget that my kids think about their birth parents. It catches me off guard when I ask my son what he’s doing and he says he’s writing a letter to his birth mom. He wants to let her know how much he’s grown, and he loves her and wants her to stop taking drugs so he can see her again. He’s never met her. I have no pics of her. I’ve never met her. I wrote a heartfelt letter to her when she relinquished him, and it got to her much later while she was in jail. We never heard back from her though. Secretly it hurts to hear him write this letter. It leaves me feeling like I’m not doing enough to love him. It’s almost like secretly I wish they would love me so much that they would forget about them. Forget about the ones who gave them all these struggles in the first place. But logically I know this wont happen. Nor should it. It is my job to help them feel good about their birth parents so they feel good about themselves.  To help them understand that they didn’t abandon them, but loved them enough to give them a better life and safer life. To let make sure they know how hard it was for them to let them go in the first place. And to make sure they know how lucky I am to have such wonderful children to love and care for. It’s my job to give them positive hope that they will one day see them again and get to share all these letters and feelings with them. As I watch my little boy’s eyes fill with tears as he realizes he can’t actually send this beautiful letter to the woman he knows about, but wants to believe she lives butterflies, I do just that. I help him feel better. I hug him tight, I let him express that he misses her and wonders about her. I tell him positive reasons why she didn’t write. I hug him tight and tell him how much I love him and that I’m grateful for God giving me a perfect son.  Hoping inside that when he is older this is what he will remember instead of how much he gets in trouble. But secretly I think how easily positives are lost and bogged down by negatives. I say secretly because I would never share these fears with him. But with others I will share so that people understand other sides of adoption and that I’m not a super mom, I’m just a mom. And thankful to be one.

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