Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

My Family So Far June 24, 2012

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,foster care in reno,Life as a Mom — smlwoman @ 10:17 am

I have adopted 4 children as of May 11,2012. I am a single mom, have always been single. I am truly blessed! From left to right.  My mom, my little brother, my dad( who adopted me), me and my adopted children in the yellow and grey, and my nephew!  I truly encourage single adults who are really longing for kids, to check into adopting children from foster care. It has it’s ups and downs as all adoptions do.  But in the end it is truly amazing!  If you don’t think you can do it financially, again I would say look into your local foster care, there is help!

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I hate Parent visit days October 18, 2011

I get so upset on the mornings I know my kiddos are going to see bio parents. It used to not bother me. But this was before I was going to adopt them. I used to love sitting and listening to the parents stories of the kid’s lives. I used to love trying to get them to go to fun places to play with their kids. I used to love finding the right bus routes to make it easier for them to get to dr. apts. I used to love it because I was teaching. I expected the children to go back home. But then things got frustrating when the parents didn’t respond to any of my efforts. They didn’t follow through on any of my fun plans. This caused dissapointment and heart ache.
Now I hate parent visit days. I feel that all our privacy is taken away. I dont’ like my adopted children getting hugs from these people. They are just people, but when they lose their kids, they can become harmful people. And now my adopted children have learned to trust them.

I don’t understand why a parent who is facing Termination of parental rights and has to be supervised in visits has the right to go to dr. and dental apts. of the children and not be supervised? I also don’t understand why in mediations bio parents get attorneys for free, and foster parents don’t get any support. The county even puts school names in the court documents they give to the bio parents. This again makes no sense to me. Where is privacy protection for the ones who care for the children? Where is the protection for the children after the county is done with the case? Why do I have to feel like I have to move out of my home to give my kids and my family anonimity. We can get slammed for mentioning any little thing about their cases due to privacy laws, but there doesn’t seem to be any privacy laws for the foster parents. I just don’t get that! Why cater to the ones who abuse and not the ones who care for the abused?

 

Loving Strangers February 3, 2011

I was reading a friends blog and she mentioned something that I have been struggling with as well.  Kids adapting to new kids in the family. 

My nephew is my love!  He is the whole reason I moved back home.  I cried every time I left and when I would get pictures of him in the mail I would cry.  I wanted to be here to be a part of his life.  And when I moved back home I did just that.  I was the cool Aunt.  The one who took him to the best places, the one who got him the cool toys, and the one who showed him how to play cool things like Gak and squirt bottle tag. 

Then I decided I wanted to adopt and have my own children.  My nephew took this very hard.  A few months after I got Arius, I took my nephew into the bedroom and held him because he was upset at Arius.  I asked him if he was angry that I brought Arius into the family.  I told him he could tell me the truth and I wouldn’t get angry at him.  He said Yes and started to cry hard.  I held him and tried my best to explain how I wanted to be a mommy and how Arius needed a mommy.   I promised to still try to do things with him sometimes that is just him and I.  But when he started school it became a lot more difficult.  I thought this talk would have helped him, but in his mind, Arius is with me all the time, having the time of his life.  Or maybe because he has seen me get angry with Arius he thinks that Arius has turned me into a mean person instead of his cool Aunt.  I am not sure.  My mom said the other day my nephew was looking at pictures she had up of Arius and Reasa and Seany, and she saw him make an X over their pictures.  She said it was like he was crossing them out.  When she asked him about it, he clammed up.  He is only 6 and already bottles up his emotions and thoughts.  It had been a while since I had taken him out so durring break I took him and Jasmine to play lazer tag and just have a fun day together.  He seems to get along great with my oldest girl.  I wish I knew what to do to help him love Arius the way I do.  Or that I could find a way to help them become good friends at least. (more…)

 

I was not expecting that… January 7, 2011

Wow, it has been a while since I have been on here. Taking care of four kids as a single mom will do that to a person.

Being a foster mom is just about what I thought it would be like. I paid attention in class. However, even though I paid attention and have heard of this happening, I was still caught off guard when it happened to me.

I have two girls who have been with me just since September 1, 2010. There have been many ups and downs. The four year old and I have had a lot of challenges that I have seen improve over the past few months. I always keep in mind whatever I know of past experiences for my foster kids, and that helps a lot. But challenges can wear anyone down. I absolutely love these two girls and wish they could stay with me, but I have known all along they were going to be reunited with family.

The family they will be reunited with are amazing and strong and trust in the Lord. I have a sense of peace for this transition that will be taking place soon. It is my job to begin preparing the girls for the move and so this is where my story actually begins.

On the drive home tonight it was pure chaos. My two four year olds were arguing like crazy all day. And I was just about out of patience, but a conversation came up between the two kids about getting to go to a family members to stay the night. I used this time as a way to bring up how exciting it will be for this little girl to soon get to live with her family member forever. And the little girl looked so shocked! Like I had just knocked the wind out of her, and she began to cry. ” I want to stay with you Jody.” I was taken aback by this response. She absolutely adores this family member and gets so excited every time she gets to go and stay the night. But at that moment the whole mood in the car changed. Because I was driving I told her we would talk about it more at home so I could actually hold her while I finished explaining it all to her. But she continued to cry softly and kept repeating, ” I really want to stay with you Jody.”

Why does this shock me? Because of how much she adores her family. Because of how often she tells me she hates me, even though I know it is just a coping tactict to deal with new boundries and rules, because she had been in such a mood all week that I thought for sure she would be excited. I never knew. She has always said she wanted to live with this family member. Her older sister has always expressed wanting to stay with me, and I see mood changes when we talk about it, but I never knew she, herself, wanted to stay.

When we got home I talked to her alone in her room. I held her and told her that I loved her so much, and that if it was my choice she would stay with me forever, but that her family missed her and really loved her a lot too and it was good for her to go back to live with them. That she would be safe and loved and cared for with her family. That her sister would be with her and her pets would be there too. She was trying to accept it, but was still crying and saying she wanted to stay with me. I finally ended with a big hug and told her, ” you have so many people that love you and all wish we could keep you, but only one of us can keep her, but that we would all stay in her life as best as we can.” She stopped crying and I told her again I loved her and we went out in the kitchen to make dinner. She was so perfectly behaved that I was fearful that she was hoping if she behaved I wouldn’t make her leave. Please pray for these two girls and their transition to their family’s home. Pray for both myself and this family member to know how to help them through the transition, and for God to give us the right words to say to comfort them. And finally for my own two children that started to get concerned that they would not get to stay with me forever and ever.

It was so hard to tell them that they would never have to leave me while not being able to tell that to the other two children. It just broke my heart. I was completely ready for this transition until tonight. Now I am left in wonder of all the things that transpired this evening.

I will say that I truley love being a foster mom and I NEVER thought I would feel that way. Who knew God’s calling for my life would be right here in my own back yard.

 

Fostering to Adopt: The Honeymoon’s over May 3, 2009

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,foster care in reno,my thoughts — smlwoman @ 10:41 pm

This weekend was such a challenge. He has begun calling names when he is angry. Right now it is Fatty. All my training says ignore it and not react to it. But when he is shouting it in the grocery store, I want to hold up a sign that says, he doesn’t mean it. He is just going through emotional struggles. Sometimes I can’t ignore it and I send him to time out saying we need to talk nice to each other. On good days I ignore it or if it is a calm moment I change the conversation and distract him. He must have called me fatty at least 50 plus times today alone. (more…)

 

Fostering to Adopt and Tough Times December 28, 2008

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,foster care in reno,my thoughts — smlwoman @ 8:33 pm

bible-cross1Wow, what a journey and it hasn’t even started. I don’t want to discourage people from doing this. But you definately have to be patient and flexible. I accepted a little boy. I was so excited about him. I was told the beginning of November about him. It took 3 weeks just to meet him for the first time. The first two times the foster mom was a no show. And I haven’t seen him since. It really frustrated me to no end. I finally have a date to begin transition, but not until the end of January. That will be the next time I see him. About 2 months from the first time I met him. Seems to me like starting from scratch again. He won’t remember anything about me. He will determin how long the transition will take. And I am fine with moving at his pace. In the first meeting we had no worries about the biological parents wanting him back. So I thought of him as a child to adopt. As of my last meeting, the father has said he wants his son. So now he will only be coming to my home as a foster child. It could take up to two years for everything to fall into place for him to be adopted. Now i’m torn on what to be to him. Does he call me mommy, does my nephew consider him a cousin, And what will this do to his stability and security in life? This is part of being a flex family. I signed up for this, and so far I am ok with it. I saw a foster mom in the hall who was crying because she brought her little foster child to court with her and his biological parents saw him for the first time and decided they wanted him back. She has had this child since he was an infant and was there to see the parents rights terminated since they hadn’t seen or heard from them in well over a year. Things can change just like that. Now she won’t be able to adopt him and is devistated. Again, I still seem to be ok so far.
Probably because he hasn’t been in my care yet.children-around-world (more…)

 

Adoption/Foster Care October 7, 2008

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Children,foster care in reno,my thoughts — smlwoman @ 7:23 am

children-around-world1Just a quick update. I have been licensed, and I have been briefed on the contract. I sign the contract today. I am already allowed to be matched. And this is the scary part. This is a life time commitment. Not a passing phase. For some of you, your children are chosen for you. They are just born to you and you love them like crazy. I feel weird that I am picking the children. How do I make a wise decision?

There is one little girl that is ready for adoption. I can’t seem to get her top five needs. She is older then I origionally wanted, 8, but there is something about her that seems like a fit.

There are two other little girls. Sisters. Perfect in age, 3&4. Just what I wanted. But they have been diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol syndrome. This is something that affects them their entire life. I don’t know much about it, and that is why it is a bit uncertain for me. But God may make this decission because a relative is intersted in adopting them. And they get first choice.

How do I know which children to adopt? Part of me just wants them all. Part of me is scared to make the wrong choice. Biological parents don’t have to go through this do they?

Anyways, any prayers would be fabulous. My spelling is horrible this morning. Blah.