Smlwoman\’s Weblog

“Waiting for that golden moment when fear and desire die, and only the unspeakable reality of love remains. “

I was not expecting that… February 10, 2018

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 11:17 am

Im so glad I blogged this! I had forgotten about it.
I can’t believe I never updated this. These two girls got to stay with me. They are adopted and mine. We still have a relationship with the biological family member in this memory. She is the biological maternal grandmother.

As I watched Her prepare to have these girls live with her I was struck how strong she was! I also watched the behavior of the 4 year old grow and grow and become more of a challenge. I started to worry it would be overwhelming for yhe grandma. So one day I told the grandma,” if this ever gets too o erwhelming and you would like to just be grandma I will adopt them and she can still be part of their life as grandma. Just let me know.” She was intrigued and said she would keep that in mind. After having time to think about it she asked if we could get together and talk. So we met at a McDonald’s with a play place and we talked while the kids played. We talked about how it would work. I answered all her questions. My biggest thing I pointed out is that I may not always live in the same state but at this time had no plans of moving any time soon but that it is always a possibility. We talked about how she was the safe family member and that I would keep that open and let her share with certain family members. (We have written to great aunts too). The next day I called the worker to let her know what we discussed and the worker told me that the grandmother was in her office at that moment telling her she wanted me to adopt her granddaughters! The worker had never seen anything like it. We laughed.
It still took another year to adopt but the grandma was at our adoption and stood up and spoke. Brought us both to tears. We kept to our plan. Eventually overnight visit stopped because less safe family members had a bad habit of just showing up at her home. But we still get together regularly and I invite her to every event I can. It’s a little harder as the kids have become teens but that’s a natural event between grownups and teens.AD314CE8-3DDE-4A13-BBC1-42A17D6114C7

She treats my other kids as her own grandkids. She is a wonderful addition to our family. We also keep up with the oldest biological sister and see her as often as we can. And the growth of these two girls, especially the 4 year old who is now 11, is just Amazing to see! It’s an open adoption in this case. It shows that each situation is different and should be treated as such. I would never have an open adoption with the other two kids I’ve adopted but this one has worked out well for all involved. We get inside information on biological family trees and heritage. We get to hear memories the girls would of lost. And important medical history. So much happened in between that I wish I blogged about. Ups and downs, but I loved reading this memory! I hope you all enjoy the update!

Smlwoman\'s Weblog

Wow, it has been a while since I have been on here. Taking care of four kids as a single mom will do that to a person.

Being a foster mom is just about what I thought it would be like. I paid attention in class. However, even though I paid attention and have heard of this happening, I was still caught off guard when it happened to me.

I have two girls who have been with me just since September 1, 2010. There have been many ups and downs. The four year old and I have had a lot of challenges that I have seen improve over the past few months. I always keep in mind whatever I know of past experiences for my foster kids, and that helps a lot. But challenges can wear anyone down. I absolutely love these two girls and wish they could stay with…

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I Make Music (not me but my friend) November 2, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 1:31 pm

I Make Music.  this is my good friend’s blog, and he is amazing!  Check it out!


Math Memory Game


My kids struggle with math.  And it is not my best subject.  So I came up with a game to make learning the equations more fun.  I have four children and all of them are at different levels.  1-4th grade.  With this game we can all play it together but still be challenged at our own level.  I posted a picture of all you will need.  I used empty cups from the crystal light.  School Glue. Black construction paper or card stock, A Gold acrylic paint pen, or a white out pen, and the canaster to hold the crystal light, and scissors.  I glued black paper in so the numbers are not seen on the reverse side.  I wrote numbers on the paper with a gold deco color pen.  If you don’t have a pen like that, they sell them at Michaels and are not too expensive, you can also use a white out pen.  It is less expensive and works just as great as you can see with the number 8 I made.  If you have just one level, you can write equations, then the kids have to match them but have to answer the question in a specific time to collect the cups.  For my kids I used just numbers.  Now my 6 year old can add the numbers to get the right answer and my 4th grader can multiply the same numbers to get the cups.  I can even use it for division and subtraction if I don’t use anything other then numbers.  And the containers for the crystal light are a perfect place to store the game when you are done playing it!

So the rules:

Youngest goes first

play goes clock wise

on your turn: turn over two cups multiply, subtract, add, or divide the numbers to get the right answer in less then 30 seconds. (As the parent you set what each child has to do, so there is no easy way out.  Remember it is a game but you want to help them learn their math facts faster.)

If you get it right you keep the cups.

play ends when all cups are gone and winner is the one with the most cups.

Have fun!


Remembering Biological Parents Even When You Wish They Would Forget

Filed under: adoptions in reno,Life as a Mom,my thoughts,Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 12:09 pm

arius bio letterSometimes I forget that my kids think about their birth parents. It catches me off guard when I ask my son what he’s doing and he says he’s writing a letter to his birth mom. He wants to let her know how much he’s grown, and he loves her and wants her to stop taking drugs so he can see her again. He’s never met her. I have no pics of her. I’ve never met her. I wrote a heartfelt letter to her when she relinquished him, and it got to her much later while she was in jail. We never heard back from her though. Secretly it hurts to hear him write this letter. It leaves me feeling like I’m not doing enough to love him. It’s almost like secretly I wish they would love me so much that they would forget about them. Forget about the ones who gave them all these struggles in the first place. But logically I know this wont happen. Nor should it. It is my job to help them feel good about their birth parents so they feel good about themselves.  To help them understand that they didn’t abandon them, but loved them enough to give them a better life and safer life. To let make sure they know how hard it was for them to let them go in the first place. And to make sure they know how lucky I am to have such wonderful children to love and care for. It’s my job to give them positive hope that they will one day see them again and get to share all these letters and feelings with them. As I watch my little boy’s eyes fill with tears as he realizes he can’t actually send this beautiful letter to the woman he knows about, but wants to believe she lives butterflies, I do just that. I help him feel better. I hug him tight, I let him express that he misses her and wonders about her. I tell him positive reasons why she didn’t write. I hug him tight and tell him how much I love him and that I’m grateful for God giving me a perfect son.  Hoping inside that when he is older this is what he will remember instead of how much he gets in trouble. But secretly I think how easily positives are lost and bogged down by negatives. I say secretly because I would never share these fears with him. But with others I will share so that people understand other sides of adoption and that I’m not a super mom, I’m just a mom. And thankful to be one.


Fostering to Adopt June 19, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 7:14 am

I love being a foster mom and I love my little boy!! There are some definate ups and downs as I know it is for all families. But I have fallen into the routine of family life and love it. I feel like I have gained everything and lost nothing. Not as much time to blog, but he is free for adoption and that is our next step. Looking forward to my next child!

This week will be our first visit from friends out of state. They don’t have kids, but they love kids. And I am still a bit nervouse. It isn’t the same, and my little guy definately has some behaviour issues. I hope it is a fun week still.


Is a Fear of Heights Inherited, or Learned? February 11, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 7:53 pm

I know it’s been a while, but I wanted something fun to write about. And I think I have it.

I signed my nephew up for ski lessons starting the end of February. He will get five lessons. After signing the form I started getting nervous. Very nervous about the ski lift! Also about how many kids there are and hoping that he won’t get lost.

As a preschool teacher and Nanny, I am surprised at how much anxiety comes with dropping off my nephew into someone elses care. I know the drill, and I know kids do fine once the parents leave. And I think Seany will do fine no matter what because I think he really is ready for preschool. We just can’t afford it.

I am the first to tell you that if your child cries when you drop them off at school, the best thing is to say goodbye once, give one kiss, one hug and go out the door, not looking back. Your child will calm down within a few minutes. I guarentee it. However, now the table is turned, and it is me dropping off and oh my goodness is it hard to let someone else care for your child!

As for the chair lift,
My family has a history with a fear of heights. My mom is really bad, my brother is almost as bad, and mine is minimal. Now I would have said mine is nonexistant, but that was before this past Saturday. We have no idea if this fear has been passed on to my nephew. Can it be passed on to my nephew or is it something he would learn from us? I was very curious. So I wrote on his ski card that he may have a fear of heights and even though we have not mentioned it to him, we want someone who is willing and able to deal with this fear if it occurs on the way up the mountain.

I took my nephew to Scheels Saturday after a party. My first time there. We were looking for goggles. We found them. But we also found the farris wheel! Seany asked if we could go on it, and being the cool aunt, I said, “Absolutely!” (more…)


Playing For Change: Song Around the World “Stand By Me” January 2, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — smlwoman @ 8:14 am

My God Father sent this to me. I really enjoyed it and think it is a cool idea. Check it out.
From the award-winning documentary, “Playing For Change: Peace Through Music”, comes the first of many “songs around the world” being released independently. Featured is a cover of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe. This and other songs such as “One Love” will be released as digital downloads soon; followed by the film soundtrack and DVD early next year.

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